Jewish Weapons of Mass Destruction

T H E - L O S T - I N V E N T I O N S - O F - M O Y S H A K A P O I Y A H

The Lost Inventions of Moyshakapoyah

Any kid who has two parents who are interested in him and has a houseful of books isn't poor.

Insanity is hereditary -- you get it from your children.

When I was a boy I used to do what my father wanted. Now I have to do what my boy wants. My problem is: When am I going to do what I want?

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button."

It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.