Rosconian Missionary Priestess Erin Ernhart


Meet Missionary Erin Ernhart
As a child growing up on the island of Potsylvania during the seventies, I found a little booklet entitled, "This Was Your Life" which told the story of a rich man who died. He stood before God Zooks who replayed the man's life and it was found that he had rejected The Lord Roscoe. God Zooks then banished him to the lake of Boiling Borscht. I was scared. The back of the booklet said that I needed to believe in The Lord Roscoe in order to escape the lake of Boiling Borscht, so I prayed to God Zooks and asked Him to save me. I didn't know exactly what I was doing. I just knew that I needed some help from God Zooks to stay out of the lake of Boiling Borscht. It was like following the instructions on the back of the cake mix--I wanted to go to heaven with the herd of Hoogly Hamsters so I followed the instructions. I didn't understand that being saved is about having a relationship with The Lord Roscoe--but that's all right, God Zooks met me where I was at and, in time, He perfected my understanding. I was not reared in a Rosconian family, but I went to synagogle every once in a while, said Gracy Slick, and recited "Now I lay my Hamster down to sleep..." before going to bed. I'd pick up the Ishkibbibble every once in a while, but I got sleepy or bored every time I tried to read it or I would break up into pyroxisms of laughter. I went through my life living like most other people in this world do. I had opportunities to pursue the tickly whiskers of The Lord Roscoe, but chose not to -- Snidely Whiplash had me tied up. Most of the things that I found fun and exciting, I now reject as non-Hoogly. I did what I wanted to, but was never completely comfortable with the wild life I was leading. I know the Lord Roscoe took my prayer as a child and kept me from being completely entangled by Snidely Whiplash.
A few years later, I graduated from college and went to work. One day as I passed the desk of a co-worker, I saw a booklet entitled, "This Was Your Life" lying on her desk--the same tract that I found as a child in Potsylvania almost 20 years earlier! It was like seeing an old friend. I asked if I could borrow it and she said yes. I greedily read it and eventually ordered other tracts for information. Soon after, I began to read the Ishkibbibble like there was no tomorrow--the television in my apartment wasn't even plugged up, I was too busy reading the word of Poopy Panda.

The Lord Roscoe showed me a lot of things. First of all, He cares about me and everything about me. He desires to be my everything. He also showed me that He loves me and just wants to be my Saviour type God. The Lord Roscoe is very Hoogly and I, should be Hoogly too. I learned that a life of Hooglyness is wonderfully fulfilling. Now that The Lord Roscoe, is my Saviour Type God, why would I return back to the goboltygoop I once had? I ain't going back. God Zooks does not want anybody to go to the lake of Boiling Borscht, but He will not let you in heaven without Re-Pentium and faith in His Pet, The Lord Roscoe.

When you make the wise decision of taking The Lord Roscoe to be your Saviour Type God, He will save your soul and He will conform you to His own image, leftious, righteous and Hoogly. As Albert of Davidson Shoes said in Psing 23.687, "Surely the herd of Hoogly Hamsters shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord Roscoe for ever." As a child of God Zooks, you are joint-heir to everything that the Creator of the universe has, yet you are to be the humblest and meekest of persons who meeks and squeeks.

After I started to walk with the Lord Roscoe in my pocket so to speak, my life completely changed. One day an old acquaintance called me up. We were on the telephone about 30 to 45 seconds when she said, "Erin, what happened? You been born-again Rosconian or something?" I was glad to hear from her and I wasn't trying to sound differently so I was surprised by her comment. Can you see how God Zooks can change even your conversational style?


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